Attack Of The Killer Gallbladder

Saturday afternoon I was lounging on the couch, watching my weekly Little House On The Prairie marathon on the JesusFreakChannel.

I suddenly broke out in a sweat and got dizzy. I thought I would go watch in bed but I never made it that far. The next thing I knew, I was doing an Oscar-worthy rendition of Linda Blair in The Exorcist. I had a fever, chills and squeezing under my ribcage that was worse than birthing a 9+pound baby with no epidural (and I really did that!).

I thought I had gotten into some bad butterscotch pudding when the pain starting creeping up my esophagus and my pulse dropped down to 44. Heart attack? I can't have a heart attack, I still live in Land Of The Uninsured!!!

One phone call to Mom and one Diagnoogle later and I was pretty sure it was a gallbladder attack.
Mr Sunshine read a website out loud to me that said NO alcohol, NO dairy, NO red meat, NO caffeine, NO fat.

F%$# F&^% F*&^ My vacation starts in 17 days.

I went to bed with a heating pad on my ribcage and prayed to the god of kindness and mercy to MAKE.IT.STOP

Now I lay me down in bed
I feel like I am almost dead
I think my gallbladder plans to pop
Hand me a scalpel. I'll make it stop.

My diet until Tuesday night was Saltines, tea, water and dry toast. Today I actually had a piece of pizza and cranberry juice.
There's a bottle of wine chilling in my fridge so I can experiment with my alcohol tolerance BEFORE we go on vacation.

Can I get a gallbladder transplant before Sept 10?

The Further Adventures Of KLUTZPRINCESS

I have documented some of my klutz injuries here before.
http://littlemisssunshinestate.blogspot.com/search/label/KlutzPrincess

Today, I did it again. I was craving steak, and we had just purchased a new George Foreman Grill. We went off to the meat market.

I decided that since Mr Sunshine was home from the hospital, diabetes under pretty good control and since Sorority Girl's car was out of the shop, that I needed to provide a little excitement for a Tuesday morning.

I was walking up the sidewalk at the meat market, got my flip-flop caught in a crack and did a faceplant onto the side of the building. QUIT LAUGHING!!

My very first thought was "Oh crap, I broke my nose". There was so much blood on the sidewalk that it looked like they had slaughtered a cow in front of the building. The nice guys in the meat market brought me wet towels and ice packs. A nice lady customer said I looked like I needed to go to the ER.

As soon as I stopped seeing stars I decided that I didn't need no stinkin' ER and had the hub drive me to my doctor's office. He insisted to the secretary that the doctor needed to come out of her lunch meeting and clean me up and decide if I had a concussion.

The decision was "Maybe". If I start to give non-sensical answers to questions or start acting "weird" I need to go get a CAT Scan. Ummmmm, I'm ALWAYS like that! How will we know??

I did break my nose. It only bleeds when I get up and walk around. I have a note from the doctor to stay out of work for the rest of the week.

WARNING: HIDEOUS MEDICAL-TYPE PHOTO.....THIS IS WHAT KLUTZPRINCESS LOOKS LIKE TODAY.

Here Comes The Sun(shine)

The sun has finally come out in the Sunshine State. The temperatures are still averaging 15 degrees below normal, but at least the grey skies have gone.

There has been a bad combo here in The Treehouse of too many hours working, too many days off sleeping until 4pm and too many late nights Olympic watching. Grey skies and cold temperatures make me depressed. If I wanted to spend my January days in 3 layers of clothes, I would have stayed in Freeze-a-chusetts. The other side effect of hibernating in the Sleep Number Bed is that the apartment looks like a tornado came through.**No hideous messy apartment pictures**

I've hinted around that things were changing at work. I can talk about it now, because I am officially on the management team at the Shower Gel Store. My title is Cash and Sales Lead.
It's not a full-time position, but with the increase in hours and pay, I have the potential to make twice as much money in 2010.

Sorority Girl has 10 more months of school, then I can possibly move out of Land Of The Uninsured! I can get new glasses! I can go to the dentist!

There are a few things I would like. I want to get a pedicure more than 3 times a year. I want some new work clothes. I'm on Year 4 of my two pairs of black dress pants and my 2 pairs of black work shoes. I want to save up and take Tom and I on a Legendary Rhythm And Blues Cruise. I would like a new comforter set and drapes for my bedroom.

My new position starts next Monday. Mom is coming tomorrow, to spend a week and watch the Olympics on the BigAss TV. So, now I'm spending the rest of the day making the apartment "Grandma Clean".

Christmas Wrap-Up

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. Ours was quiet, as usual.

Sorority Girl and Cape Cod Kid were here. They make me smile and laugh. They got tattoos together. We watched movies and episodes of GLEE that were still on the DVR. They introduced me to Tough Love and True Blood (both are kind of yucky).

We got a Wii from Santa. Back in November, a local blogger invited me to a Wii Fit launch party and I received a free Wii Fit! I know!!! I haven't used it yet, because I have the plague.

I worked full-time for a week or two before Christmas. I'm WAY too old for that. I don't think handling thousands of dollars of filthy money is good for someone who tends to have a wonky immune system. I had the hand sanitizer close by, I washed my hands every time I could break away and my mantra was "keep hands away from face....ohmmmm".

The Sunday before Christmas, I started wheezing. That continued until yesterday morning, at 4AM, when I woke up and coughed up half a lung. Thank Baby Jesus In The Manger, I had a $144 rebate check from my car insurance company. I still live in the Land Of The Uninsured.
Diagnosis: Asthma AND Bronchitis. Double the pleasure, Double the fun.

Doctor's fee=$123
Advair Inhaler=free (Love you, Dr Cool)
Ventolin Inhaler=$10 (Thank you, WMART)
Antibiotic=$4 (ditto)
Steroids=$4 (ditto)
Apple juice (I'm on clear liquids) $2.99

You do the math.

Thank you for all your prayers for my aunt. She had a serious setback on the 22nd, but still went home on Christmas Eve. I talked to her the other night and they have made adjustments to her treatment. She sounds good, but I am fully aware that she is in the end stage of her illness.

I'm working on my "Best of 2009" post.

Poverty Party For My "Girls"

I took my "Girls" for a mammogram today. It was long overdue. I'm still residing in The Land Of The Uninsured.

The women in my family have been blessed to be almost completely spared by breast cancer. I've lost two cousins, one in her 50's and her sister when she was in her 70's. My aunt is a survivor.

My doctors have not been happy that I skipped my mammogram 3 years in a row. I'm not low enough in income to qualify for a free or even a low cost mammogram, but I have just the right combo of pre-existing conditions to put health insurance out of my financial reach.

This year I promised my doctors that I would get it done before my next appointment. They gave me brochures from a few imaging centers and last week I started calling. I told each person I spoke to that I had no health insurance and I was willing to pay for the mammogram before the appointment.

And then I started having heart palpitations when I was quoted prices starting at $285 and going all the way up to $600. I was pleasantly surprised to find that the last center I called would only charge me $114 if I paid prior to the appointment.

So off I went, with my lotion-free, deodorant- free body and had my mammogram done. It was a typical mammogram routine experience for me... Right Squish-Left Squish.... more Left Squish...ONE MORE Left Squish..needs to be compared to your Last Squish.

If you're a Poverty Party Girl and need to get a mammogram for your "Girls", there are resources available for women who are low income or "working-poor" with no insurance.

If you check the CDC website, you can click on your state to find out where you can get a low cost or free mammogram. Or you can do what I did. Get a list of accredited imaging centers and make some phone calls.

CostcOMG!

I went to Costco today.

I get my prescriptions there because, without health insurance, it's the cheapest place to get my VERY IMPORTANT Anti-depressant and Mr Sunshine's blood pressure pill. I LOVE the look on the faces of people in line when the cashier says "That will be $278 please".

They should issue elderly people a GPS when they go in. I heard at least 4 elderly people on their cell phones, saying "Where are you?", "Stay in that aisle and I'll come to you", "I CAN'T FIND YOU", "I thought you were going to the pharmacy!!"

It is SOOOOO hard for me to resist the 5 pound bag of Peanut Crack&M's. I did resist. I was proud of myself.

All that pride in my willpower went down the crapper when I bought the BIG ASS Pumpkin Pie. Honest to Betty Crocker....it's the size of a car hubcap and it was only $5.99! I also bought the 2 pound bag of Cape Cod Chips. (Imagine I'm hanging my head in shame)

I bought a 4-pack of toilet bowl cleaner. With only one bathroom in this new place, that should last me until 2010.

I was parked next to a BIG ASS Lexus SUV. The license plate holder said "I'd rather be shopping at Nordstrom"

REALLY? Not K-Mart? How about the Dollar Store? Goodwill?

Episode 200: Back With The Back Story

In Episode 200 of Little Miss Sunshine State, the role of Little Miss Sunshine State will be played by Special Ed the stuffed bear. The role of Tigger the Cat will be played by Tigger the Beanie Baby.

Little Miss Sunshine State has this little problem called Degenerative Disc Disease. Those little discs in between the vertebrae of my back like to bulge, break off in little pieces and eventually rupture. This has happened 6 times in the past 21 years. Make that 7 times, because it happened again last week.
This is the kind of pain that will lay me flat on my back. I spent Thursday and Friday in between my Martha Stewart Sheets, mostly sleeping and watching TV.
I drugged myself on muscle relaxers and slept about 18 hours a day.

Tigger was very concerned. If I was asleep, he was curled up on the other side of the bed, napping. If I was awake, he thought the best thing he could do for me was to plop his 24 Lb body onto my chest. Every time I asked him to fetch me an ice pack, he would gently place his paw over my mouth to shut me up.

With the help of nearly toxic doses from the Costco Bucket-O-Ibuprofen, I was able to smile and start sitting up for about 3 hours at a time. Today I ventured out to the grocery store (not my brightest idea).

Tuesday I'm going back to work.

Fun With Anatomy and Physiology

I had a doctor's appointment today. I love my doctor. She's really cool and she rides a Harley and she gives me lots of free samples.

Because I'm still living in The Land Of The Uninsured.

Today's appointment was interesting. Before I went, I showered in Bath and Body Works Aromatherapy Stress Relief Eucalyptus/Spearmint Body Wash and Foam Bath. My normal blood pressure of 130/78 was 110/70. wHoo-Hoo!!

Remember when I broke my toe? It turns out I DIDN'T break my toe. Better than that. I completely ripped the cartilage out of the 5th Metatarsal/Phalangeal Joint. In layman's terms...The toe bone is no longer connected to the foot bone. That's why it kind of flops out to the side when I wiggle my toes. This little piggy is now marching to the beat of a different drummer.

Remember when I slashed my finger open on the shattered jar? And I didn't get stitches because I was residing in Land Of The Uninsured? She looked at it today and said "Ohhhhh, that should have had stitches" When I told her the Urgent Care Center wanted about $600 for stitches she said "And they didn't stitch it because you didn't have $600?....THAT'S SO WRONG!!!" Actually, it healed really well. It just looks like hell.

Then she looked at all the dry, cracked skin on my fingers and said "Ohhhhh, you picked up a FUNGUS INFECTION at the nail salon". (okay to scroll down, there are no hideous medical textbook photos)


%$#@!!! *&%$!! Grrrrrrrrr. @#$%&$!!!!!
I've been going there for 2 years and this is the first time that happens.
Good thing the medication for that is a $4 Special at WMart.

Come back again at the end of May after my next appointment with Dr Cool.
We'll be discussing whether my GIANT GOITER is responding to treatment and if I've made any progress on the LOSE MY FAT ASS project.

Another Quiz From The Uninsured

I still don't have health insurance. And today I had a hideous kitchen accident. It involved the finger with my wedding ring and a broken jar of applesauce. See if you can guess the answers to these questions.

It's OK to scroll down. There are no hideous medical pictures.

Question 1. You slice your ring finger open on a broken jar. Do you....

a) Just keep mopping up the blood with paper towels
b) Put a band-aid on it and hope for the best.
c) Call your husband and cry, then call in sick to work.

Correct answer is c

Question 2. You decide you need medical attention. Do you....

a) Call an ambulance
b) Have your husband drive you to the ER
c) Have your husband drive you to an Urgent Care Center.

Correct answer is c

Question 3. Urgent care secretary tells you the treatment will either be $169 or $469. Do you...

a) Whip out your library card and she notices that it isn't an insurance card
b) Say "whatever"
c) Break down and cry in front of strangers

Correct answer is c

Question 4. It will be cheaper if you don't get stitches. Do you...

a) Get stitches anyway
b) Put in your own stitches
c) Tell doctor you are OK with not getting it stitched

Correct answer is c

Question 5. You are feeling a little shaky and in pain. You are in a compression bandage and your hand is in a splint. Do you...

a) Take a prescription for painkillers
b) Remember that you have a bottle of Ibuprofen at home.
c) Medicate yourself with a double layer Chocolate Cake with Chocolate Frosting that your husband made .

Correct answer is c......oh, also b


Question 6. Tuesday you are scheduled for a 7 hour shift at work. Do you....
a) Call in sick and who needs a freaking days pay, anyway?
b) Call in sick and lay in bed watching soaps and eating chocolate cake.
c) Go to work and hope you don't pass out from the loss of blood and pain and pray you don't bump your left hand in any way.

Correct answer is c.
If you were able to correctly answer these 6 questions, you would make a fine citizen of Land of the Uninsured.

Play The "No Health Insurance" Game

The "No Health Insurance" Game

Play along with me. It's fun. There are no right or wrong answers.

1) Your 2 most important medications cost a total of $240 a month.

Do you...

a) Beg free samples from your doctors

b) Save money by buying $5 shirts for work at stores that have

MART in their names

c) Eat Cheerios for lunch

d) All of the above

2) One of your other medications is a $4 Generic at MART.

Do you...

a) Stand in line with lots of other uninsured people

b) Shop for $5 shirts until the line gets shorter

c) Pick up "Buy one-get one free" boxes of Cheerios on the way

back to the pharmacy

d)All of the above

3) Have you ever tried to DIAGNOOGLE yourself with any of the following.

a) Thyroid Cancer

b) Fractured Bone

c) Giant Cell Arteritis

d) All of the above

4) Your daughter goes to University of Tropical Paradise (also known as

Flip-Flop U. ) They have a fabulous student health care facility. She gets very

sick one night after they have closed for the night.

Do you...

a) Tell her to wait until the health center opens in the morning

b) Tell her to go to Urgent Care, even though they demand $150

up front.

c) Have Frat Boyfriend and the Frat Boys take her to the ER,

because the hospital will bill us later.

* I picked "c"

5) Because you come from a long line of stooped-over women with Osteoporosis

your doctor wants you to have a Bone Density test.

Do you...

a) Put it off for a year

b) Take Calcium and Vit D every day

c) Scour the internet for discount Bone Density tests

d) All of the above

See? Wasn't that fun? Now I'm off to search the internet for free mammograms.