Saturday afternoon I was lounging on the couch, watching my weekly Little House On The Prairie marathon on the JesusFreakChannel.
I suddenly broke out in a sweat and got dizzy. I thought I would go watch in bed but I never made it that far. The next thing I knew, I was doing an Oscar-worthy rendition of Linda Blair in The Exorcist. I had a fever, chills and squeezing under my ribcage that was worse than birthing a 9+pound baby with no epidural (and I really did that!).
I thought I had gotten into some bad butterscotch pudding when the pain starting creeping up my esophagus and my pulse dropped down to 44. Heart attack? I can't have a heart attack, I still live in Land Of The Uninsured!!!
One phone call to Mom and one Diagnoogle later and I was pretty sure it was a gallbladder attack.
Mr Sunshine read a website out loud to me that said NO alcohol, NO dairy, NO red meat, NO caffeine, NO fat.
F%$# F&^% F*&^ My vacation starts in 17 days.
I went to bed with a heating pad on my ribcage and prayed to the god of kindness and mercy to MAKE.IT.STOP
Now I lay me down in bed
I feel like I am almost dead
I think my gallbladder plans to pop
Hand me a scalpel. I'll make it stop.
My diet until Tuesday night was Saltines, tea, water and dry toast. Today I actually had a piece of pizza and cranberry juice.
There's a bottle of wine chilling in my fridge so I can experiment with my alcohol tolerance BEFORE we go on vacation.
Can I get a gallbladder transplant before Sept 10?