Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Why I Hate September

I've been kind of quiet lately. It always happens at this time of year. My thoughts and emotions get churned up and I do a lot of remembering.

September 13, 1994 was like any other day in my house. I had shuttled the kids to activities, done a little housecleaning and was starting to fix dinner. Tom walked into the house, hours earlier than expected. I asked him, jokingly, if he had gotten fired. It was worse than that. He came home to tell me my Dad had died. And the world stopped spinning. Because Dad had been fine 4 hours earlier. I had talked to him on the phone. While he and Mom were packing to go on a vacation, his heart stopped beating. Forever.

September 15 was our 15th wedding anniversary. I spent the day holding up my Mom at Dad's wake. Tom spent the day holding me up. He was my rock.

When our wedding anniversary rolls around every year, I am filled with happiness and sadness.
I can't think of one of these anniversaries without thinking of the other. They both fill my heart and my mind with too many memories to handle all at once. The tears flow at unexpected times.
Next week I need the emotional strength to be so happy and so sad at the same time.

6 comments:

jenontheedge said...

Oh, how sad. I'm so sorry.

One of my grandmother's sisters killed herself on my birthday, so I remember it every. single. year. My grandmother is still angry that her sister chose that date, but I'm not, because I recognize that my aunt was sick and not aware of anything other than her own misery.

Monnik said...

That is very sad... I'm sorry for the loss of your father. It sounds like your husband helped you through that rough time then, and I imagine he does so now too.

(My wedding anniversary is one day before yours!)

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Uff. What a punch to your gut. I'm sorry. That's a pretty fresh scar, isn't it?

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

That is rough.

My mother had cancer and died on May 1--I know she willed herself to go then because my son's bday is on 5/2 and my sister's is on 5/3.

blackbird said...

It's heartening (in an odd way) to read that other people have these same associations with dates. My dad died on Halloween. I was never that fond of Halloween to begin with but I have a very hard time with it now and he died a long time ago. Halloween!
Terrible.

Wendy said...

My dad died 6 weeks after my wedding, but right before we left on our honeymoon(we waited to go because I was teaching and needed to finish up the school year). Most of my honeymoon memories are of me crying. When I think about it now I feel so bad for my husband who was wonderful, but probably felt like he had no idea what to do.