This Ordinary Mind Is Broken

There is a song called Rain by an artist called Mika. I think it's really a break-up kind of song, but it really speaks more to me about how much I don't even recognize myself and I feel like I am broken. Not by any specific person, but by Life. These are some of the lyrics...

Is it really necessary
Every single day
You're making me more ordinary
In every single way
This ordinary mind is broken
You did it and you don't even know
You're leaving me with words unspoken
You better get back 'cause I'm ready for
More than this
Whatever it is
Baby I hate days like this
Caught in a trap
I can't look back
Baby I hate days like this

The past 3 months have been pretty hellish. Mr Sunshine State was so sick that I thought I was going to lose him forever. He was simply not himself for about 6 weeks. My marriage is my house and he is my foundation. When he is not solid, there is nothing else to hold me up. Every time in my life that I have crashed and burned, he has been there to rescue me.

Then I broke my face, then my Mom was ill, then I was diagnosed with diabetes, and Tigger is most likely in the last weekend of his life. My aunt's health has continued to deteriorate. Through all of this, work has been a complete and total shit show.

My boss and I are as about as different as 2 people can be and I can no longer be the person he expects me to be at work. I was going to take some time, while I was on vacation in September to decide if I wanted to start job-hunting. I could speculate on how he found out, but yesterday I was confronted with the proof that he knew.

He and his boss have suggested that it is probably best that I step down from my current position.
I would love to stay there and go back to my former job and that situation was offered. Since it probably means a big cut in pay and hours, it might not work for me.

I wasn't ready to make this decision yet. I needed more time.
My spirit has been so broken for the last 3 months, that I needed to think it through when there was no other crisis in my life.

Aside from the fact that it felt like I had been whacked with a 2x4, Today I am breathing a little easier. I had no desire to spend the next 5 months in a stressful job.

Mr Sunshine State has a plan. In September, he's going to take me someplace where I can recharge and relax. I'll pick up all the broken pieces of myself and try to put myself back together.