Monday, February 11, 2008

5 Things-No Rules

Bloggers have been posting their favorites today. I have been blogging for less than a year, so I don't have much to choose from and most of them aren't even archived. But I'll play along and just write up a little something here.

#1 Family: My dad was my hero. He didn't have an easy life. Poor family, his health issues. But he was THE SMARTEST PERSON I have ever known. He knew about art, music, science,literature, computers (before most people had ever heard of them). He was extremely kind. He taught us that you should always do the right thing. He cared about the environment and recycling before it was cool. He raised funds for our drama club, our marching band and our church. He served his country in the the 1960's. He was funny. I don't think anyone could have ever said one bad thing about him.

He died at 64. My brother and his wife were hoping to become parents. Mom asked God to send someone since he took someone away. 9 months and 15 days after dad died, my nephew was born. His middle name is my dad's name.

#2 Friends: I had pretty much the same friends since age 12. When my husband moved to town and we dated in high school, our social circle got big.We still had the same friends as we all got married and had kids. When I was 37, my dad died. How many friends sent cards, called, came to the wake or funeral? ZERO.

How many of them had excuses? ALL. Have I forgiven them? NO. Am I still hurt? YES. Have I spoken to any since? YES. Are we friends? NO.

#3 Me: Since my earliest memory (probably around age 3 or 4) I have been depressed, anxious, had ADD/OCD. Hit my almost 30's and added FM/Arthritis/Thyroid to the mix. At times in my life I have been a basket case. Turned myself over to the Professionals. Almost threw it all away and planned my demise. Down to the very last detail. Then I would fall asleep.

Somehow I decided that if I was here on earth to learn something, it was patience and compassion. I didn't have it for myself, so I developed it for others. I took care of some very fragile, elderly people in the last days of their lives. I fed them, held their hands, talked to them, took them on outings, undressed them, kissed their cheeks and tucked them into their beds. I sat and prayed with them while they were dying.

After I left that job, i decided to not feel sorry for myself anymore. I have occasional lapses, but for the most part I try to love and enjoy all my days.

#4 Something I LOVE: I LOVE to read. Books, magazines, blogs, junk mail, cereal boxes. I remember being 4 years old, before the invention of preschool and trying to sound out the words in my Little Golden Books. When I was in middle school I would ride my bike to the library once or twice a week and fill my basket with books. I have the double stack by the bed and there is a Children's Book somewhere in me waiting to be written. I still go to the library almost every week. I fill my Cape Cod Lighthouse canvas bag with cookbooks, art books, novels, craft books and biographies. The most dangerous job I ever had was working at Barnes and Noble. Every week I would have a little pile on the Employee hold list and my little paycheck in my hand. Standing at the cash register, shivering with delight.

#5 Anything. This one is just for ships and giggles.

One day at the Barn I was washing the windows in the front doors. A Cadillac Escalade pulled up. Mom and 2 young-teen girls jump out. One of the girls had on a very cute, very expensive dress, diamond studs in her ears, long blonde hair and a definate "attitude" about her.She appeared to have her own little boobs. Mommy is saving the implants for her high school graduation present. She looked at me, flung the blonde locks over her shoulder and rolled her eyes. I know exactly what she was thinking. "I'll NEVER look like that and NEVER wear those clothes and NEVER have a job where I have to wash dirty windows."

She had obviously just been picked up at the Paris Hilton Summer Camp for Celebutante Training.


Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Little Golden Books--now that brings back memories!

You're honesty is amazing.

Kerry said...

I too have early memories of anxiety and depression. I don't think I recognized it for what it was until my early 20s. I was on meds for awhile and then met my boyfriend of six years, got comfortable and didn't think I was depressed or "anxious" anymore. I broke it off with him in Feb. 2007 because I knew I didn't love him. I had been struggling with major depression for several months before, but the anxiety really kicked in then. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and depression. Still battling it and am starting to think I always will. Trying to get to the realization that you must have come to. I'll get there someday I hope!